David Blaine: The Seventh (And Final) Day
Sad news, David Blaine fans. While the dardevil breath-holder easily shattered the record he so recently established on Oprah by surviving in my custom-made tank for an astonishing seven days, his challenge has ended in unspeakable tragedy. Just moments ago, I stumbled upon this soul-chilling scene. Although I realize that the Great White was merely following an instinctual imperative to devour any warm-blooded creature unlucky enough to cross its path, I still felt it necessary to put down the killer. Blaine deserved better than to be shredded like a clump of soggy, street-magician chum, especially after somehow keeping the predator at bay for several days.
Good night, my sweet, sleepy-eyed, lung-tormenting prince. You will not be forgotten.