Celebrity Daredevil David Blaine Doing It Again!
Unimpressed by frequently soggy illusionist/supermodel despoiler David Blaine’s shattering of the world underwater breath-holding record on today’s Oprah, I’ve decided to put the lung-punishing masochist to the ultimate test. At 5:05 pm PST, I submerged this black-and-white printout of a screengrab of the final seconds of his televised triumph into a custom-built mini-tank (OK, an unused glass vase—why must you always fuck up my moment like that, know-it-all parenthetical commentary!), an attempt to determine how long Blaine’s image could survive before coming up for air. Stay tuned for thrilling updates about the progress of this latest, death-defying feat of endurance!
UPDATE, 7:16 pm: Even an amazing two hours and eleven minutes later, the image of Blaine shows absolutely no signs of fatigue. I may have seriously underestimated his incredible powers.