The Five Most Troubling Facebook Status Updates In My Feed For Thursday, March 13th
1. Joy Davis just punched a hamster for no good reason at all.
[4 hours ago]
2. Rob Noguchi is tired. So very, very tired.
[3 hours ago]
3. Steve Lornigan is praying that cutting his lips licking the last drop of Mike’s Hard Lemonade out of a broken bottle in the gutter in front of his apartment represents rock bottom.
[2 hours ago]
4. Ashley Marinetti gave up hope for Lent, and even six weeks later doesn’t really miss it.
[45 minutes ago]
5. Rob Noguchi is [sound of handgun discharging]
[7 minutes ago]