Lisanti Quarterly

A Brief Review Of ABC's 'I Survived A...

Needs more...

“And Harvey needs to call Woody Allen (“re: Bullets...”
— The disturbing secrets of...

Breaking! Super-high giraffe ringleader...

A Brazen Attempt to Land A Pullquote In...

“Wall-E will pluck your swollen heart from your chest with his adorable robo-claws, use his...

“Suddenly, a dying David Crosby appears and with his...

On the next Swingtown: Sexually liberated predator/neighbors...

“Be like Rodin. I read in a book recently that the...”
— Eric Spiegelman’s...

Other Fast-Food Spokespeople Who May Or...

The Snapple Lady*, Wendy’s Dave Thomas, Hamburglar [Pls. factcheck before reblogging. Thx....

UPDATE: Incident Not A Thrilling Cliff...

lafd: *Rescue* 3600 S. Cabrillo Beach Rd.; TG 854-C2; FS 48, Reported cliff rescue, car hanging over...

N.J. School Locked Down for Ninja Sighting

They're Really Not Fucking Around This...

BIG NEWS FROM MOTLEY CRUE Prepare yourself for 5 bands, one colossal show and a trail of panties...

“I came in about four writers into the process. It’s kind of...”
— (The hilarious) Dan Harmon...

A Note On This New Girl Talk Album...

I don’t get it?

The best part: When traffic slows to a crawl, the mouth...

Just shoot yourself before things get any...

The Haves Vs. The Have-Mores, Dodger...

In the super-exclusive Dugout Club seats behind home plate, ushers handed out cold face-wipes and...

Locally, the “douchebag neck” style can be seen...

This is now on my wishlist: Wolf T Shirt Long Sleeve...

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The...

EXT. PATIO BY THE SWIMMING POOL,...

Slaving over the hot grill in too-tight, period-appropriate swim trunks, THE HILARIOUSLY PORNED UP...

Resolved: This is the worst summer TV...

Tonight’s options: Last Comic Standing, So You Think You Can Dance?, or Jab Me in My Empty,...

“To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the...”
— To answer A.O. Scott’s...

An Up-To-The-Minute Inventory Of Severed...

Right feet (4) Left feet (1) Skeletonized animal paws (right) stuffed into socks/athletic shoes...

“I wish I knew more about what you’re saying.”
— David Letterman, after...

Garfield Minus Garfield: The Prologue

“At first, the talk about it was really humorous, but as more...”
— Baffled Mounties scouring...

Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for...

After her birth, the piglet refused to join her brothers and...

While walking (actually, it was more like trudging, as it...

A Note On The Previous Post Re: Indiana...

Quoting, like, four entire paragraphs of that press release was probably overkill. Our heartfelt...

The Previous Revisions Unappetizingly...

CORRECTING and REPLACING Burger King Corp.’s New Indy Double Whopper(R) Sandwich and...

Soul-Chilling Irony

caro: On the red carpet at the Webbys, the I Can Has Cheezburger guy admitted he’s allergic to cats.

I outsourced the reading of this article due...

The true tragedy of today’s wall-to-wall iPhone 3G...

Physical Rescue 6/6/2008

Dow Slides 394 Points; Oil Surges $10.75

Another 'Swingtown' Update!

EXT. DOORSTEP OF SUBURBAN HOUSE IN 1976—NIGHT A couple arrives with a “welcome to the...

'Swingtown' Update!

Holy shit, someone just namechecked the A&P!* And I may have imagined this, but I think a...

A Brief Note On The First Seven Minutes...

The most interesting thing so far (besides the woman drinking a can of Tab—ZOMG! Hilarious,...

On Lakers Vs. Celtics '08

As a native New Yorker, this Celtics-Lakers NBA Finals doesn’t particularly thrill me. The...

On The Afterlife

In hell, the only sound you will hear is the Ticketmaster hold music. It won’t be...

“The group sat in the fourth row of the theatre. They passed...”
— Even archeologists want a...

Cry me a fucking river, Zimbabwe. Dinner might set you back...

Wherein Two Increasingly Desperate...

me: HE'S TAKING THE MOUND
OMG
jesus christ WHY IS O CANADA SO LONG
Andrew: hahaha
me: here we go
warmups
greatest warmups i've ever seen
omg, they just showed a US map with Nebraska highlighted
so we'd know this exotic land from whence the Savior hails
Andrew: New Braska? Is that near Atlantis?
me: hahaha
ball one!
pretty sweet ball, though
Andrew: heh
me: STRIKE FUCKING ONE!
sweeeeeet
STRIKE TWO!
I'm so aroused!
another ball? this is BULLSHIT
Andrew: KILL THE UMP
me: THE FIX IS ON, MOTHERFUCKERS
Andrew: shit. how many pitches is that?!
me: holy fucking shit, A WALK
NO NO NO NO
i can't handle this for another 4 innings
Andrew: can we put him back in the bullpen until the 8th?
me: i think we can hide him in left field til then, then bring him back
or first. hell, giambi hides there nine innings a game
me: he seems a little anxious. perhaps Hank can call in a sports psychologist to calm him down
me: A STRIKEOUT!
i can die in peace
Andrew: whaaaaaat
me: A RUN????
Andrew: and while you're tumblr'ing toronto has scored
me: i'm putting my head in the oven right now
Andrew: nobody noticed joba's middle name is Kennedy
me: this inning has gone on five lifetimes
it's unbearable
this umpire is MOLESTING him
Andrew: what a crap run.
me: "show me on your bobblehead doll where the ump touched you, joba"
FULL COUNT
make it stop!
Andrew: haha
me: i can't fucking handle this
Andrew: i completely agree. that clearly sounded like a strike.
Andrew: there's the 30 pitches.
fantastic.
come ON. throw strikes.
me: i think this 400-pitch inning is really taxing the joba rules
Andrew: someone should go excavate the mound to make sure there isn't a david ortiz jersey buried under there.
3 walks?!
wtf is this?
me: i think Ortiz himself is hiding under the mound
this DL thing is a cover
me: inning over
well, that happened.

Garfield Minus Garfield, Plus Grim Reaper: an utterly...

Fun With Contextual Advertising: Come See the Hottest...

“This film was hard. I was on on camera for an hour by...”
— Will Smith after receiving his...